Unorthodox: contrary to what is usual, traditional, or accepted; not orthodox. Or, in other words: Thomas Müller.
Müller is somewhat of an enigma. He’s forgotten but he’s there.
You scroll down your football dedicated feed to feast on hours of footage ft. Messi being Messi, Neymar strolling through various French parks completely testing his footballing ability in the world’s most competitive division, Ronaldo nailing spot kicks on the bounce & Lukaku’s wonderful first touch. You never see Thomas. You ask anybody though, and they’ll say Müller is World Class. (Okay, you do see Thomas, but he’s either pretending his passport is a mobile phone or he’s mimicking a kicking horse.)
Müller even escapes selection for dream XI’s both by fans & Pro’s alike. Not mine. He’s first pick. Ice cool. A true fox in the box. A kindred spirit to one Ruud Van Nistelrooy. But why is he so great. How? The man literally looks like an Ostrich both in stature & technique.
Müller just fucking scores goals. He’s just hit 100 in the Bundesliga. Watch the compilation on Youtube. Virtually 100 identical goals. Bundling all 100 over the line from within 12 yards. Rebounds, follow-ups, low crosses, deflected shots, penalties. An absolute weapon in and around the area.
So what? They’re all tap-ins?
No. Look beyond that. For a start, they all count. 100 goals in arguably Europe’s second best league speaks for itself, really. But actually what you have is a real gem. A man who plays the same beautiful game only a few are capable of. An intelligent, one step ahead, crafty bastard. Completely & utterly unorthodox.
His aurora is that of a grinning Ronnie, a mellow Pirlo, a calculated Zizou or a clinical Denny Bergkamp. One of those greats that don’t simply exist in football but well & truly create or shape a role to call their own way beyond their shelf life.
The man literally took the World Cup by storm in 2010. A young, fresh-faced 20-year-old with low slung socks & knobbly knees. (Those who love Müller as much as I will know he was around a little before this – surprisingly Van Gaal the man to thank). Classic German name. Nobody had a fucking clue who this geezer was. Won the golden boot though. Then went on to become a household name amongst Europe’s elite. Still is.
A forgotten Totti – Müller has devoted all of 18 years to Bayern (He’s only 28). A real loyal guy. Plus he seems to like a pint – plenty of pictures doing the rounds of Müller donning lederhosen, chugging down steins of high-grade wheat beer.
Look further beyond – see Müller as the person. Always grinning. A real ambassador for the sport. A proper role model. He’s the reason your dad goes to the German Christmas Markets every year. “Will that Müller bloke be there?”
Even further beyond & see Muller the style icon. Old school low socks, short shorts, no-nonsense German working class haircut. The poster boy for any German World Cup campaign. BE LIKE THOMAS MÜLLER.
So, here’s to you, Thomas. Congrats on the century. Raise a stein to 100 more, you crafty, wonderful, unorthodox goal getter.